I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
