yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
