mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
