just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
