I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
