just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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