is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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