Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
