do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
