Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
