Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
