week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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