I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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