i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
