Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
