apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
