Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
