he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This toilet bowl is my home.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
