Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Bring me that man meat
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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