I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
