sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I can't turn off my feet"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
