He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
