so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
