Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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