Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Drunk is a universal language darling
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
