I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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