oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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