I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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