FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
