Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
