Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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