just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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