Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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