I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
