i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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