DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
