Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
