You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
