I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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