It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
is it fun? or sober?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
