I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
