look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Come on in and take your pants off
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