I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Randomize
