You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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