Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
