i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
