Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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