If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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