i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
