life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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