She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
