I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
