You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
