Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You pole danced in your parka.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
