It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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