Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just found puke in my bra..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The uberlube is also flammable
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
