I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
