Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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