There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
