the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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