i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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