Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
