This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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