just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
