I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
pop tarts are not kleenex
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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